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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29023749">Unexpectedly Stupid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoolBlueMeteor/pseuds/CoolBlueMeteor'>CoolBlueMeteor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Academy Era, Kid Fic, siblings being siblings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:15:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29023749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoolBlueMeteor/pseuds/CoolBlueMeteor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As a child, Allison may have played it a little fast and loose with her rumors, and her siblings may have reaped the consequences in strangely unexpected ways. In her defense, how was she supposed to know they’d take her so literally.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>135</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Going to Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First victim: Number Five.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Number Three just wanted to watch the damn movie. It was stupid movie about lost dogs and she was wasn’t very invested in it, but she wanted to see how it ended before she had to go to dinner. There was always that cute moment of reunion when the dogs were all happy and the people were all happy and there was hugging and slobbery kisses and it made the whole boring beginning worth the wait. It was almost over and she was finally starting to hope for that moment. </p><p>Number Five turned off the television. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Three yelled, standing up from the couch and shouting at her brother. </p><p>“It’s stupid and I don’t want to listen to that anymore,” Five said, glaring Three down and challenging her to do something.</p><p>Three honestly didn’t even know Five was in the room. Apparently, he’d been in there since before she turned on the television, but for some reason Number Five always seemed to blend into the background for her and she sometimes overlooked him when he was studying in a corner. </p><p>Still, this house was enormous and if he wanted quiet he could have gone somewhere else. </p><p>“Turn it back on,” Three said, pointing at the television. She stood toe to toe with Number Five, she wasn’t going to let him tell her what to do. If he’d been in this room his whole time and hadn’t said anything until now, then in her opinion, he agreed to watch the movie. </p><p>“No,” Five said, shaking his head and crossing his arms stubbornly. “I’m working. What I’m doing is important and I need quiet.”</p><p>“What are you even working on, we had geometry today. It wasn’t even that hard,” Three argued. She had finished her assignment right after class and Five was always telling everyone how much smarter he was than the rest of them.</p><p>“I’m working on differential equations as they pertain to the curvature of spacetime,” Five said with a shit ton of superiority that made Three’s hackles rise. “I haven’t looked at basic geometry since I was four.” </p><p>“Well, if you’re so smart, you would have just gone somewhere quiet,” Three said, shouting and furious.</p><p>“I was somewhere quiet and then you barged right in here and turned on that crap,” Five said, shouted back with equal fury. </p><p>“I wanted to see that,” Three said, pointing at the television. </p><p>“That movie was so stupid it was it was bringing me down to your IQ,” Five said, looking at Three impatiently. “Obviously the dogs make it home or they wouldn’t have made a movie about it. What more do you want to know?”</p><p>Oh, that made Three’s temper spike. Five was an arrogant little bastard and she would take him down a notch or two every chance she could, but she was missing the ending. She wanted to see the little kids find their dogs and be happy. She pushed Five away from the television and he stumbled into a side table, glaring at her furiously. She flicked on the television to see the movie’s credits scrolling up the screen. </p><p>Letting out a scream of frustration, Three yelled out, “I heard a rumor you just...” Three was so mad she was coming up blank. “Oh, just go to hell.”</p><p>Oh, she was mad. Just furious down to her toes. She stormed off down the hallway with her hands clenched at her sides and slammed open the door to her bedroom. She had a new magazine on her night stand and she needed to take her mind off that stupid brother of hers. Five was by far the most annoying of all her siblings and he just existed to make everyone’s life miserable. </p><p>Three opened the magazine to a quiz about friendship. It was titled simply “Are you a good friend?” Of course Three was a good friend. She was friends with One and most of the time Two. Four was okay most days and Six was nice. It was just Five. She just couldn’t stand Five. </p><p>The quiz told her she was a good friend and she smiled. See, that must mean it’s not her and it’s definitely Five. He was a jerk and definitely deserved to be sworn at, no need to feel bad at all. </p><p>Number One knocked on her door a few minutes later and they headed down to dinner together. One had been at training and he told her all the things Dad made him do and he was proud of how far he was able to push himself today. Three smiled as he bragged and she took her place behind her chair. </p><p>The others filed in and took their places, but Five never showed. The other Numbers looked at each other in worry. It was unacceptable to be late. They would all be punished if one of them was late. </p><p>“Where is he?” Two said to Seven. Seven was usually the only one to willing keep Five’s company, but she just shrugged.</p><p>“Did he have training?” Four asked, looking back at the entrance to the dining room.</p><p>“No,” One said, looking around at his siblings. “It was my day.”</p><p>“He was studying earlier,” Three said, shrugging. “I haven’t seen him since.”</p><p>Their Father came in and looked around at the table and noticed Number Five was missing. “Where is Number Five?”</p><p>Everyone looked at each other and their father, but they didn’t know what to say. Five was never late, but he wasn’t there. </p><p>“Dinner will wait until he shows,” Reginald said, looking at his children. He sat down in his seat, but when the children tried to sit down he forced them to remain standing. “If you can’t be responsible enough to keep track of each other, you do not get the privilege of being seated.”</p><p>They stood there for hours. Reginald made notes and read through file folders Pogo brought him to keep him busy and productive, but the children were bored and tired and starting to shift uncomfortably on their feet. One looked like he was hungry enough to eat the tablecloth and he kept staring down at his empty plate. </p><p>They were also starting to get worried. </p><p>When it stared to get dark, even Reginald knew this couldn’t keep going on, so he slammed his notebook closed with a hand and looked at the children. “Find Number Five and bring him back here. Now.”</p><p>The children ran off, just glad to be out of that room. Three paired up with One, who insisted on checking the kitchen for Five and maybe grab a snack while he was there. They were munching on cookies when they heard a shriek from the courtyard. </p><p>One grabbed Three’s arm and dragged her outside while she finished her cookie. They stopped in the doorway to the yard and the sight of an enormous hole in the ground and their siblings standing around it looking down. </p><p>“What are you doing, man?” Four said, standing back as dirt flew out of the top of the hole. </p><p>Three crept up on the edge of the hole and looked down. At the bottom was Number Five frantically digging with a garden spade. The hole he was in was at least twice his height and he wasn’t slowing down. </p><p>“Come on, Five,” Seven said, ducking out of the way of some dirt. “You’re missing dinner.” </p><p>“I haven’t made it yet,” Five said, sounding panicky and he continued to dig. </p><p>“Haven’t made it where?” Six asked, peering down. </p><p>“Hell,” Five said, looking spectacularly frustrated. “I have to go to hell.”</p><p>Oh. Three put a hand over her mouth when she realized what she’d done. She backed away from the hole slowly as her sibling giggled around her. Oh, oops. </p><p>“What is the meaning of this,” Reginald said, furiously when he found the children just standing around the yard. </p><p>Number One just pointed down at the hole. “We found Five.”</p><p>Reginald looked down into the hole right as Five threw up a scoop of dirt and it landed right on their father’s face. The look of furious indignation was one for the record books. “Number Five, get out of that hole right this instant.”</p><p>Five didn’t listen, and kept right on going. “No. I have to get there.”</p><p>“What is the meaning of this?” Reginald said, looking around at the other numbers. </p><p>“He’s, uh,” One cleared his throat and tried not to smile. “He’s going to hell, sir.”</p><p>Reginald looked at One, trying to gauge if he was telling the truth, then when he determined he was, looked directly at Three. Three was trying, fairly unsuccessfully, to hide behind her siblings. </p><p>With a deep breath and withering glare at the world at large, Reginald looked at his Number One. “Get him out of that hole.”</p><p>“Right,” One said, jumping down into the rather narrow hole with his brother. </p><p>“I haven’t made it yet. Get off me,” Five said, shouting from down in the hole. They heard grunts and at least one painful scream from Number One as he fought to control Five.</p><p>“Two, grab him,” One said, just before getting kicked in the face. One was lifting Five off the ground and Five was smacking him in the head with the spade. Laughing, Two and Six grabbed Five by the arms and pulled him out of the hole. One climbed out after him, touching his head and checking for bleeding. </p><p>Five was fighting them tooth and nail, and Two had to sit on his chest to keep him from climbing back down the hole. </p><p>“Number Three,” Reginald said, furiously. </p><p>Three went to Five and knelt down next to his head. She sheepishly looked at her siblings, then said, “I heard a rumor you no longer wanted to go to hell.”</p><p>Five immediately stilled, dropped the spade and looked at Three with a degree of fury she had never seen before. There were painful looking blisters and broken skin on his hands from the spade and the digging and he looked murderous. Three went and hid behind One. </p><p>“Get off me,” Five said, pushing Two off his chest and standing on his feet. His knees were scraped up and he was just filthy. Five stormed off towards the house to get cleaned up, dirt trailing after him as he went. It would be lucky if anyone was able to get Five to calm down about this for awhile. It would be a miserable time while they suffered his wrath, but at least they had the image of him digging in a hole to make them smile while he raged.  </p><p>“Number Three,” Reginald said, looking at Three with a neutral expression. He handed her the spade. “Fill up the hole. The rest of you to dinner.”</p><p>Three looked at the hole, then looked at her father and sighed. Five had probably dug a good ten feet down. It was going to be a long night. She started pushing the dirt in the hole, griping about it the whole way. </p><p>It was lucky, she thought as she filled in that hole, that somewhere in Five’s brain he equated hell with underground. It could have ended in many far more tragic ways and she would have been to blame for being careless. Still, that smug little bastard covered in mud and dirt while standing in a hole he dug himself was enough to make her chuckle. It was almost better than what the happy end of that movie would have been. </p><p>It was also a lesson learned, she supposed. Never start a rumor without a plan, you never know how it’ll end.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Quantity of Donuts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Allison just wants a snack. It should have been simple, right?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>And again: Number Five.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pantry always had the same things and they were always healthy. Occasionally, Three could scrounge up some crackers and cheese, but it was mostly fruit and vegetables. And the marshmallows, but nobody touched the marshmallows or Five would be insufferable. Three wanted something sweet and it was down to a banana and those marshmallows and she was leaning towards eating the marshmallows and taking whatever consequences there might be. </p><p>“Five’s not in a great mood today. You shouldn’t eat the marshmallows,” Four said, grabbing an apple off the counter. </p><p>“When is he ever in a good mood?” Three said, scowling and throwing the marshmallows back in the pantry. </p><p>Four chewed on his apple and thought about that for a minute. “Well, there was that one time at Griddy’s. He might have been high on several cups of coffee, but he was pretty okay that day.”</p><p>Three knew the trip to Griddy’s Four was taking about, and Five actually did seem somewhat normal that day. Although, she never knew a normal person the talk that fast about that many subjects in a row with out taking a breath. How many cups of coffee did he drink that day? Good thing Seven was there to listen to him or Three may have thrown him off a bridge. Okay, not actually. Maybe just rumored him quiet. One and Two would have thrown him off a bridge. </p><p>“Oh, I would love a donut right now. Griddy’s would be amazing,” Three said, smiling at the thought of having a donut instead of more of the same as always. </p><p>“Yeah,” Four said, looking longingly for a donut too. “We should go back sometime.”</p><p>Three looked at Four got an impish little thought. “We could get donuts right now and not have to leave the house.”</p><p>“How?” Four said, looking at her warily.  </p><p>“We send Five,” Three said, grinning. “He could just blink there and back.”</p><p>“He’d never do it,” Four said, shaking his head.</p><p>“He would with a little persuasion,” Three said, smiling strangely.</p><p>Four raised his eyebrows and shook his head. “You like to live dangerously.”</p><p>“No risk, no reward, and I could really use a donut in my life,” Three said, dropping the banana on the counter and grabbing Four by the arm and dragging him out of the kitchen. If she was going to mess with Five, she needed a co-conspirator to share the blame and dilute the rage.</p><p>Five wasn’t hard to find when you were actually looking for him, he tended to haunt the same corners of the house, and today he was in the library studying with Seven. They had commandeered a table by the doorway and Five’s back was to the door. Three smiled because this was going to be so easy. </p><p>Seven saw her quietly approach and shook her head furiously. </p><p>“I heard a rumor you blinked to Griddy’s and got us all the donuts we wanted,” Three said right into Five’s ear. </p><p>Five sat up straight in his chair, dropped his pen, then blinked away. </p><p>“See, a little persuasion,” Three said, looking at Four still standing in the hallway. </p><p>“That was so mean,” Seven said, scowling at Three. Three just rolled her eyes and ignored her sister. </p><p>A minute later, Five blinked back into the room with a tray of donuts and dropped them on the table, then blinked away again. </p><p>“Um, yum,” Four said, picking up a sprinkled donut and taking a bite. </p><p>Five appeared again a minute later with powdered sugar covering the side of his face and another tray of donuts. He dropped the tray on top of the other, then blinked away again. </p><p>Three picked up a strawberry filled donut and sighed as she took a bite of the heavenly goodness. It was just what she wanted and so much better than a banana. </p><p>“Hey, can I have a donut?” Six said from the doorway. </p><p>“Sure, get in here, man,” Four said, putting an arm around his brother’s neck and pulling him into the room. </p><p>“How’d you get the donuts?” Six asked as he picked up a chocolate frosted one. </p><p>As if on cue, Five blinked back into the room with another tray. There was orange juice and donut batter dripping from his uniform. He dropped the next tray right on top of the other two and blinked away again. </p><p>“Did I hear donuts?” One said, peeking his head into the library and looking at the pile of donuts on the library table. One just hurried over and grabbed the nearest donut and took an enormous bite and smiled. </p><p>Two walked in behind One, looked at the donuts in confusion. “Where’d the donuts come from?”</p><p>Five blinked back into the room with another tray just then, his head was soaking wet and he reeked of coffee. There were pieces of glass and whisk stuck in the collar of his uniform. He dropped the tray on top of the others and blinked away. </p><p>“Why is he still getting donuts?” Four asked, looking at the growing pile of donuts on the table. </p><p>Three looked down at the table, then looked at Four, then thought back on her phrasing. All the donuts they wanted. Oh. She looked at Four, wide eyed in horrified surprise. How was Five supposed to know how many donuts they wanted? Oh crap, he was going to keep going until he cleared Griddy’s out of donuts. </p><p>“Oh, oops,” Three said, looking at Four. She covered her mouth with her hand when she realized what she’d done. </p><p>“What did you do?” Six said, looking at Three’s shameful expression. </p><p>“I think I might have accidentally sent him on a mission to steal all the donuts from Griddy’s,” Three said, sheepishly. </p><p>Five blinked back in the room just then with another tray or donuts and a face full of liquid chocolate icing. He dropped the tray on the table, then wiped the chocolate out of his eyes and blinked away again. </p><p>“Someone at Griddy’s is not loving your plan, Three,” Two said, stating the obvious. </p><p>“We need to stop him the next time he blinks back,” One said, shamelessly scarfing down another donut. </p><p>“How do we do that?” Four asked, picking up another donut. “Are we just supposed to tackle him? This is Five, you know. He’s not easy to catch.”</p><p>“He has been blinking back right there each time,” Six said, pointing at a spot on the floor what was covered with the most donut toppings. “We can get him as soon as he lands.”</p><p>“Okay, who’s doing the tackling?” Four said, clapping his hands together and looking at his siblings. “I volunteer One, but I’m open to suggestions.”</p><p>Five blinked back just then with another tray of donuts, but none of them were prepared. Five was bleeding from a cut on his forehead and he was covered with chocolate and sprinkles and napkins and coffee stir straws and it looked like he’d rolled in the entire contents of the restaurant. Seven was closest, and she jumped on his back to stop him, but she was small and Five just dropped the tray on the table and blinked away with her on his back.</p><p>“Oh, he’s going to be so pissed when he comes out of this,” Two said, chuckling. “He’s going to kill you, Three.”</p><p>Three was frightened, but it was an honest mistake. Five would be able to understand that, right?</p><p>One was chosen to tackle Five the next time he returned and they they waited until he appeared. He came back the next time carrying a tray of donuts and looking like a ghost, a thick layer of powdered sugar covered the chocolate and coated him from head to foot. </p><p>Number One was ready and took Five to the ground like linebacker. The tray of donuts went flying off into the corner, spattering against the wall and dropping to the floor. The brothers landed hard on what used to be a nice area rug and Five struggled to escape. One was having a hard time keeping him in place with all the slippery toppings.</p><p>“Three, hurry up,” One yelled.</p><p>Three ran over and knelt on the rug next to Five. “I heard a rumor you no longer needed to go to Griddy’s to get donuts,” Three said quickly. </p><p>Five stopped struggling and looked at Three with fury. </p><p>Then they heard the doorbell ring. </p><p>They all stopped and waited. Even Five just sat there on the rug and listened for a minute. It wasn’t often someone came to the door of the Academy. In fact, it had been so long that they didn’t know who was supposed to answer the door. </p><p>Turns out that person was their father. </p><p>The children ran down the hallway to the entry and watched their father open the door. </p><p>“Number Seven?” Reginald said, sounding surprised. “That is the meaning of this?”</p><p>They watched Seven walk in the door with a woman in a pink shirt dress and apron following behind her. Seven looked up at her siblings on the stairs, her whole front was covered in donut toppings from trying to stop Five, and she looked a touch peeved. </p><p>“Your children have been stealing donuts from my restaurant,” the woman said, arms crossed over her chest furiously. “You owe me fifty-seven dollars for the donuts and I image there will be a lawyer contacting you about the damages.”</p><p>Reginald stood there for a minute, then looked at Seven and shouted, “Explain. Now.”</p><p>Seven cringed looked up at her father in fear, “Three rumored Five to get her all the donuts she wanted.”</p><p>“Children!” Reginald shouted in a way that seemed to echo off every corner of the building. </p><p>All the Numbers looked at each other, they all knew it would be worse if they waited, so they put their heads down and walked down to the entry to face the music. Five was making squelching noises as he walked and he looked unbelievably uncomfortable, but all of them had some evidence of the donuts they ate, and they all looked guilty as hell. They lined up, looking at their feet nervously as they waited for their final judgement. </p><p>“Number Five,” Reginald said. Five looked up at his father nervously. “Go get cleaned up.” </p><p>Five nodded and blinked away before his father could change his mind. He had been dripping gooey chocolate on the entryway rug and his father wasn’t pleased.</p><p>“The rest of you are going to go with this woman and will not return until she is satisfied with the cleanliness of her restaurant,” Reginald said, looking at each of them furiously.</p><p>“But I didn’t do anything,” Two said, then cowered at the fury on his father’s face. </p><p>“Did you eat a donut?” Reginald said, looking at the shameful faces of his children. “Then you are culpable, you will accept your punishment.”</p><p>The children had all eaten a donut, even Number Seven, so they all just nodded and took their punishment without complaint. </p><p>Reginald looked at the restaurant owner and just simply said, “Lawyers will not be necessary, just bill me the damages.” </p><p>Reginald walked away and the children looked at the lady from the restaurant. She scowled at them, shook her head, and accepted the deal of them cleaning up their mess. Better them than her. She waved a hand at them and they followed her down the street to the restaurant. </p><p>Griddy’s was closed when they got there, and one of the front windows was broken and covered in chocolate. Three stood in the doorway of the restaurant in utter amazement. Beside her, Four was laughing so hard she thought he might hurt himself. </p><p>“Oh my god,” One said, looking around the restaurant. “What did Five have to do to get those donuts?”</p><p>It was utter chaos inside. Nothing was untouched by some kind of destruction. A young man, an employee, was covered in about as much of the donut toppings and other debris as Five was, and they knew who Five’s nemesis was for the whole ordeal. The poor young man was getting some cuts tended to by an elderly waitress and he looked like he’d taken at least one punch to the face. </p><p>The worst of it was all centered around the donut cases and the service counter. It was just a nightmare of a mess. The glass front cases were all open and some of them were shattered. Donuts and toppings and appliances and bowls and utensils were scattered all over every surface and everything was coated in that liquid chocolate icing and powdered sugar. </p><p>Five really put in a lot of work for those donuts. </p><p>“Well, get to work,” the owner said. “The longer I’m closed the more business I lose and the more your father will owe me.”</p><p>The children spread out in the restaurant and got to work. While she was working, Three couldn’t help but feel lucky that she wasn’t alone in this punishment. This would have taken her all night to clean up herself and with her siblings it would only be a few hours. Even if it wasn’t their choice, and even if they were mad at her right now, it was nice to know her brothers were there for her in this moment. And her sister too, she supposed. </p><p>Still, it was a lesson learned. People can’t read her mind, she needed to be specific. Next time, she’ll ask Five to steal just one strawberry donut. That couldn’t hurt too much. </p><p>It was late when they got home and Three was tired. She skipped going down to the kitchen with her siblings for a snack, she had too many donuts, and decided to just go to bed. She changed into her pajamas and laid down on her bed and felt the most terrible squishing sensation on her back. With a small scream, she got up and pulled back the blankets on her bed and found every one of the donuts she made Five steal squished into her bedsheets. Five had been busy cleaning up the library while they were gone, apparently, and knew just what to do with the leftovers. Oh, she was pissed, but really, no one was going to sympathize with her right now after today. Every one of her siblings was mad at her to some degree for having to clean that mess, and she’d just have to live with Five’s revenge. She just stripped off her bedding threw it on the floor to deal with tomorrow and grabbed another blanket from her closet for tonight. </p><p>Looking at the bedding on the floor and thinking about what tomorrow might bring, Three decided a strawberry donut probably wasn’t worth it. It might be best to just not mess with Number Five for awhile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Fearless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little confidence can’t hurt anything, right?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Next victim: Number Seven</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mother asked Three to talk to Number Seven and Three really didn’t want to. Three and Seven had never been friends. Three had always been close to One, it’s just how things were, but her mother caught her with flattery like a fish on a hook, and she gave in and said she would talk to her sister. </p>
<p>Seven was scared, Mother said. Seven had a concert with a children’s orchestra tonight and every child had a small solo part and Seven was so nervous she was refusing to go. </p>
<p>Everyone in the house knew Seven had a solo part. Everyone was well aware of her important part in her orchestra. Everyone had been forced to listen to her practice her part over and over until it was stuck in their brains and they wanted to poke their eardrums out with an ice pick. It was maybe thirty seconds of pure annoying by this point, and if Seven didn’t go and play her solo, Three was going to hide her violin somewhere her sister would never find it. </p>
<p>Still, it was the flattery that got her. Her mother told her she was so good in the last interview she gave to a teen magazine and she was so good in the tiny part she had in a movie and she was fearless in front of a crowd. No one had told her that before and Three was just glowing when she left the kitchen where she talked to her mother. Three felt like she could fly.</p>
<p>Standing outside Seven’s room right now, Three wasn’t feeling as fearless as she was a little bit ago, but she said she would do this, so she would pretend she was until it was true. Three knocked and waited as the violin stoped playing. </p>
<p>The door swung open and Seven just looked stunned. “Three?” She dropped her bow on the ground and rushed to pick it up and pretend she never dropped it. “Did something happen?”</p>
<p>“Mom said you were nervous about tonight,” Three said, peeking into Seven’s tiny room. “Can I come in?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Seven said, opening the door for her sister. Seven went around and neatened up her room even though it was already neat. Three didn’t care if Seven’s room looked like a tornado blew through, the flattery was wearing off and Three was already antsy to go do something else.</p>
<p>“Okay, why are you nervous?” Three asked, crossing her arms over her chest and looking at her sister critically. </p>
<p>“I just think it’s going to go badly and I’m going to ruin everything,” Seven said, almost in tears. “Everyone else is so good and I’m just ordinary.”</p>
<p>“You sound good to me when you practice,” Three said, shrugging. </p>
<p>“But they’re better,” Seven said, putting away her violin. “If I play alone in front of them they’ll know I’m the one that’s terrible and making the whole group look bad.”</p>
<p>Three was getting impatient. Seven had practiced that solo so much Three could hear it in her sleep, and her playing was flawless every time. It was like she didn’t want to stand out. It was weird. Three was always standing in the spotlight. Why wouldn’t you want to? Nothing good ever came from hiding in the dark. </p>
<p>“Well, I think you are good, especially at that solo bit, and you should go to the concert and be fearless,” Three said, smiling encouragingly.</p>
<p>Seven looked surprised at the compliment and smiled brightly at her sister, but then her face fell. “Thanks, but I think it’ll be better if I just stayed home.”</p>
<p>“If you don’t go and play your part wouldn’t there be a big silent spot on the song?” Three said, looking confused. “How is that better?”</p>
<p>Seven looked conflicted and somewhere between thinking her sister had a good point and not caring because of the fear. Three actually felt sorry for her sister for a moment. There was just a level of social discomfort there that Three just didn’t understand. </p>
<p>“I know what we can do,” Three said, smiling kindly. </p>
<p>“You’re going to help me?” Seven said, looking at Three in awe. </p>
<p>“Sure,” Three said, shrugging. She could give her sister confidence for the night. It would be easy, how could she screw this up? There was nothing about Seven’s playing that was bad, it was just insecurity, and insecurity could easily be rumored away. </p>
<p>“I heard a rumor you were fearless tonight,” Three said, smiling as she said it. </p>
<p>As soon as the rumor cleared, Seven hugged her. Seven had never hugged anyone, as far as she knew, but Three just thought it was sweet and gave her a quick hug back then let go.</p>
<p>There was a different way Seven was standing, taller and with her shoulders back. “You want to come to the concert?” Seven asked, smiling. </p>
<p>“Ah,” Three said, looking away from Seven. No, she didn’t want to go to a children’s orchestra concert. That wasn’t her idea of a good time, so she searched her brain for an excuse, but she didn’t really have one. “No, I have plans with One tonight, but you go and have a good time. Maybe ask Five? Aren’t you two friends?”</p>
<p>“Maybe I’ll do that,” Seven said, practically bouncing on her toes. She grabbed her violin and headed for the stairs to Five’s room. </p>
<p>When it was time for Seven to leave for the concert, Three saw Five following her out the door. He seemed to be following rather reluctantly and had an arm full of books and notebooks, things to keep him busy if the night was boring. Three had to wonder what Seven said to convince him to go, especially when he seemed to think it was something he wasn’t going to like. </p>
<p>Oh well. Better him than her. </p>
<p>Three spent her night watching movies with One. She felt like she didn’t really lie about having plans with One. When she thought about it, they kind of had standing plans. They were watching a movie about superheroes and discussing the abilities of the characters. They both thought x-ray vision would be really uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“Imagine accidentally seeing dad in the shower,” One said, giving a disgusted shutter. Three smacked one on the arm for giving her that thought. </p>
<p>“Laser beams from the eyes would be bad too,” Three said, watching the character struggle to keep his eyes shut. “Oh, and super smell. That would be awful. You’d have to be able to turn that one off in this house, especially after Mom makes chili, because I’m telling you...”</p>
<p>In a flash of blue light, Five showed up in the TV room looking slightly unkempt and pissed beyond measure. “What did you do to her?” Five said, shouting and pointing at Three. </p>
<p>“What?” Three said, looking surprised. </p>
<p>“To Seven. Mom said you talked to her before the concert. What did you say to her?” Five said, furiously. </p>
<p>Five was acting like a lunatic, and Three was thinking about rumoring him quiet so she could finish the movie, but rumoring Five was always a can of worms. The guy had a weird mind, and you’d never know what you’d get. </p>
<p>Three looked Five with open confusion. “I just gave her confidence for her solo.”</p>
<p>“No,” Five said, drawing out the word. His eyes were wide and he shaking his head and frowning. “She seems to think she can fly. Why does she think she can fly?”</p>
<p>“What?” Three said, surprised. </p>
<p>“She played everyone’s solo, then she jumped off the stage saying she could fly. I had to blink up and catch her or she would have cracked her head open,” Five said, sounding a little panicky. “I thought she was high, but her pupils weren’t dilated when she hugged me. For the third time.”</p>
<p>“On my god,” Three said, laughing at Five’s distressed face. “Seven hugged you and you didn’t melt down like a nuclear reactor?”</p>
<p>“Is that the only thing you heard me say?” Five shouted in frustration.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Three said, trying not to laugh at Five’s overreaction. “Where is she now?”</p>
<p>“With Mom in the kitchen,” Five said, pointing out the door. </p>
<p>“Okay,” Three said, throwing up her hands and looking longingly at the superhero movie she’ll miss. It can’t be that bad. It was just a little confidence.</p>
<p>Three stormed out of the TV room to prove Five wrong, and Five was right behind her ready prove himself right. </p>
<p>Well, nothing bad was happening in the kitchen, in fact it smelled heavenly. Mom was making brownies and Three could go for a snack. Three immediately snagged a brownie and stood around gobbling it down while Five slowly lost his mind. </p>
<p>“Mom, where’s Seven?” Five said, calmly but dangerously. </p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t know, honey,” Mom said, smiling and looking around. “She was just here. I’m sure she’s fine. Why don’t you have a brownie?”</p>
<p>“I asked you to watch her,” Five shouted, and took a brownie their mother was offering. He ate it down in one bite, then grabbed Three by the arm dragged her out of the kitchen. </p>
<p>“She’s in the house somewhere,” Three said, impatiently. “She’s fine.”</p>
<p>“What exactly did you rumor her?” Five asked, looking around and into every room they passed. Before she could answer he stopped, then gripped Three’s arm even tighter because he had spotted Seven.</p>
<p>Seven was swinging from the iron chandelier in the entryway. How the hell she got up there baffled Three, but there she was, hanging by her hands and swinging back and forth and looking like she was having a great time. It was something One and Two had jokingly said they wanted to do at one point or another, but were never actually going to try. Seven was trying to loop her legs over a crossbar and hang upside down, but she slipped and fell. Five blinked to catch her to keep her from hitting the hard marble floor and they both tumbled to the ground in a tangle limbs. Neither were harmed, or at least they didn’t look hurt to Three when they were sitting there on the entryway floor. </p>
<p>“Thanks,” Seven said, quickly looping her arms around Five’s shoulders in a hug, then stood up smiling and looking around. Five just looked at Three with anger and panic, wanting an explanation. </p>
<p>“I rumored her to be fearless tonight,” Three said, a small bit of panic crept over her too because Seven had just run off. Five’s look right then couldn’t have been clearer, he thought she was an idiot. </p>
<p>Oh crap, Three thought. Fear isn’t always bad, fear keeps you safe in the right measure. Without it, nothing is off limits and Seven thinks she can fly. This really could be as bad as Five made it out to be and that made him right. Three hated it when Five was right, he’d be insufferable for days.</p>
<p>Three heard her sister’s voice from the sitting room and she ran inside with Five following right behind her. Seven was singing and laughing and standing on the balcony railing on the second story of the sitting room. Five looked like he was ready to blink up to the balcony, but she was pulled off the rail by an arm in a suit coat. </p>
<p>“Hi Dad,” Seven said, spinning around and giving the man a bone crushing hug around the middle. Their father looked like he was about ready to crawl out of his skin and he pushed her away and looked at her smiling face. </p>
<p>“What is the meaning of this?” Reginald said, looking down his nose at Seven. </p>
<p>“I think I can jump from one balcony to the other. It’s not that far,” Seven said, pointing behind her at the railing she was standing on. </p>
<p>“I forbid you from doing any such thing,” Reginald said, looking at Seven in disbelief. </p>
<p>“Whatever,” Seven said, waving off her father. “I can do it. Watch this.”</p>
<p>Seven scaled the railing and stood there for a second with her arms held wide. Three just looked at her sister and she was scared. For that second she was scared that Seven would actually try and jump and that she would fall and Three would just be standing there while Seven crashed to the ground. They may not be the closest of siblings, but Three would never want her to be harmed.</p>
<p>“Number Seven, get down this instant,” Reginald said, furiously.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I can do it,” Seven said without hesitation and she bent her knees to jump.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Five said. She heard him blink, then saw both him and Seven crash to the ground on the upper landing. Seven immediately hopped back up, walking back to the railing, and Five groaned impatiently as he got back to his feet and pulled her back before she could try to jump again. </p>
<p>“Number Five. Explain,” Reginald said, looking at Five furiously.</p>
<p>“Questionable brownie, sir,” Five said, lying smoothly. “Ate it at the concert. Probably drugged. I’ll just bring her up to her room and let her sleep it off.”</p>
<p>Oh my god, what? Three just looked up to where Five was standing with Seven in shocked amazement. She didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. For a genius, Five could be an absolute idiot sometimes and there was no way they weren’t going to get caught and be punished after that shit lie. What kind of stupid lie was that anyway? It was a concert for kids, for God’s sake. </p>
<p>“At a children’s orchestra concert, Number Five?” Reginald questioned, fully disbelieving, but watching Five for signs of a lie.</p>
<p>“There are some shady parents out there, sir,” Five said, smiling widely. The whole thing may have been a shit lie, but Five said it with such confidence that it gave the lie a tiny bit of credibility that seeded just enough doubt. </p>
<p>“Hm,” Reginald said, looking at Seven as she stared over the distance between balconies. </p>
<p>Five subtly turned Seven away from their father so he couldn’t examine her face too closely and discover the obvious lie. The punishment for the lie would be worse than Three’s punishment for the rumor and Five was taking a risk for her. Three didn’t know whether to be pleased or worried. </p>
<p>Unbelievably, they lucked out, and Three was relieved. Maybe it was because it was just Seven, or maybe it was because Five had a damn good poker face. Or maybe it was because at the end of the day their father just really didn’t care, but Reginald just nodded, and said, “See that she doesn’t jump off any balconies.” </p>
<p>“Will do,” Five said, giving his father a weird little salute. </p>
<p>As soon as their father went back to his rooms, Three jogged up the stairs to where her siblings were standing.</p>
<p>“Drugged brownies? Really?” Three said, with a chuckle. </p>
<p>“Shut up,” Five said, glowering at Three. “You owe me one.”</p>
<p>Okay, now Three was truly worried. Owing Five anything was dangerous. </p>
<p>“Okay, reverse the rumor,” Five said, pointing at Seven impatiently. </p>
<p>Seven looked at her siblings, got a big smile on her face and hugged Three tightly. It was nice. Seven hugged like she meant it with her whole being, and Three didn’t know if she’d ever had a hug like that. It was nice and sweet and Three just enjoyed it for a moment. </p>
<p>“Maybe we should let her be for tonight,” Three said, smiling. “She’ll wake up tomorrow back to normal. And I don’t know what’ll happen if I rumor her to no longer be fearless. I don’t want her to be scared of everything.”</p>
<p>Five just threw up his hands in frustration. “You’ll have to watch her, then.”</p>
<p>If she got hugs like this, Three would be glad to watch her sister. It was the kind of hug she’d only seen siblings give each other in movies. It was the way she imagined families were supposed to be, and it was what she sometimes wished her family was. </p>
<p>“We should really hug more,” Seven said in her ear. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Three said, smiling, but she knew Seven would be back to normal tomorrow and she’d be too nervous and unsure of herself to hug anyone like this. </p>
<p>“You know, everything would be so much better if we could all be friends,” Seven said, sighing. “I’d really like to be friends.”</p>
<p>“Maybe one day, huh?” Three said, holding her close for a minute, then letting her go. “How about we go finish the movie I was watching? One and I were debating who has the worst superpower.”</p>
<p>“Number Two,” Seven said, definitively. Five just broke down in surprised laughter, and Three just looked at her sister in shock.</p>
<p>“Oh, I meant out of the movie characters,” Three said, chuckling as she lead Seven off to the TV room with her. “We had kind of landed on super smell.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay,” Seven said, nodding her head and thinking. “I always hated the idea of that frog guy. He has to touch his tongue really dirty things other people have touched. The germs alone. It’s just gross.”</p>
<p>“I hadn’t thought of that guy,” Three said, nodding. “We’ll add it to the list.”</p>
<p>“And telepathy is creepy,” Seven said, frowning and shaking her head. “I mean, I share a bedroom wall with Four and I know I don’t want to know what goes on in his head. The sounds from his room alone are strange enough.”</p>
<p>One looked at Seven oddly as she entered, but Three just had him fill her in on what she’d missed in the movie and the conversation just picked up right where it left off. One just mentioning that the character who couldn’t touch anyone had a pretty crap power, and Five argued with him just for the sake of arguing. Seven spent the whole night saying exactly what was on her mind about any number of random things that had them all wondering about what really went on in Seven’s head when she sat quietly in their presence.</p>
<p>The four of them fell asleep in the TV room that night, sprawled out on chairs and couches. A gathering of the odd ones, Seven said at one point, which was just how the night felt. By morning, Seven was gone to her room and back to her normal self, and the other three regretted falling asleep somewhere other than their comfy beds. Five woke up stiff and salty and pissed One off within minutes of consciousness and their weird night of friendship was over. </p>
<p>Three just went about her day, things being exactly the same as they were before. She ate breakfast with One and the others came and went, striking up conversations, then leaving her to spend her time as she always did. Seven wouldn’t look at her as she picked at her own breakfast and she treated Three no differently than before the rumor. With a shrug, Three just wrote the night off as an oddity.</p>
<p>Maybe one day, when they’re grown, Seven could feel comfortable being the person she was last night. Three could be friends with that person, but she’d never get past the barricade Seven had built around herself today. Until then, she had training and studies and One was trying to get her to hurry up. Three threw her dishes in the sink, ran after One, and left Seven behind in the kitchen alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Perfectly Behaved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It was a desperate situation, and she was just helping Four.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Next Victim: Reginald Hargreeves</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mission alarm was sounding. Oh my god. It was the middle of the night and Three had been fast asleep and for a minute she was confused and startled by all the noise, then her brain kicked back in and she was up and moving. </p>
<p>“Everybody up,” Mother shouted down the hallway. Her mother opened Three’s door a crack and peeked her head inside while she was changing. “Up and at ‘em, Sweetie.” </p>
<p>“Mom!” Three hollered. She was in the middle of changing, and she didn’t want her brothers to accidentally see.</p>
<p>“Five minutes,” Mom said, shutting the door. </p>
<p>Three hurried through the whole routine, putting on that stupid jumpsuit, crawling under her bed to retrieve a lost shoe, finding her domino mask in the pocket of her jacket. She was ready in under three minutes, a new record for her, and she ran for the entryway where her father was waiting. She was proud of herself when her father just nodded at her in acceptance, and made a notation in his journal. Maybe she wouldn’t have to hear the usual lecture about tardiness again this time. That would be nice.</p>
<p>Her father hadn’t said anything yet, just paced the floor of the entryway. Three was beginning to suspect this was a drill, and if this was just a drill, she was going to be so pissed because her eyes ached she was so tired. It was totally unfair to be awoken for nothing. If they had to get up and get ready, they might as well go help people because it was just cruel otherwise. </p>
<p>One was there when she arrived, always the first, and the others trickled in as she waited, and then waited long past the five minute deadline.</p>
<p>As the minutes passed by she began to change her tune. She really hoped it was a drill because she hadn’t had time to go to the bathroom and she really had to go.</p>
<p>Two was the last to arrive, and he was a couple of minutes late, so they all got to hear the lecture anyway. How are they supposed to be an efficient crime fighting team if they can’t leave the house on time. Blah, blah, blah. Then their father herded was them all down to the car.</p>
<p>Damnit, this wasn’t just a drill and Dad was making them go out of town. There was some sort of hostage situation and the police weren’t getting through to the hostage taker and the police wanted the Umbrella Academy’s help. Grumbling, they all filed into the car and within minutes, Three was fast asleep with her head on Four’s shoulder and his head on hers. She was so tired, she didn’t even care if he drooled on her hair. </p>
<p>Three woke up what felt like hours later and she had a horrible crick in her neck. The night had given way to the bright lights of a gas station they were stopped at somewhere down the road. Outside that light, it was dark and still very early in the morning and Three had a problem. She had to go to the bathroom. By now it was almost an emergency and she grabbed the door handle to jump out and go into the convenience store, but she was stopped by her Dad’s voice.</p>
<p>“We’ll only be a minute,” Reginald said, not even looking up from his journal. </p>
<p>“But I...” Three said, whining. </p>
<p>“You will not leave the car,” Reginald said, scribbling down a note, then closing his book. </p>
<p>Oh, that was not good. She felt like her eyeballs were floating.</p>
<p>“Three, I gotta pee,” Four said, looking at Three pleadingly. “I didn’t get a chance to go before we left.”</p>
<p>“I have to go, too, but we can’t leave the car,” Three said, frowning and looking longingly at the gas station. </p>
<p>“It’s going to be a very different problem in a minute, if you get my meaning,” Four said, dancing a bit in his seat. Four looked at their father, then at Three, then back at their father, then smiled and shrugged.</p>
<p>“Are you seriously asking me to rumor dad?” Three said in disbelief. </p>
<p>Four shrugged, then nodded, then looked at her so pathetically that she actually thought about it for a minute. When that thought turned into planning, she realized she was just as desperate. Oh, this was stupid. So incredibly stupid. </p>
<p>“Okay, fine, but I better not be alone taking the blame for this if it goes south,” Three said, leaning forward in her seat. Four clapped his hands and easily agreed to share blame. Three kind of thought Four would have agreed to just about anything right then.</p>
<p>“I heard a rumor you saw all your children behaving perfectly in the backseat of the car,” Three said, right into her father’s ear. Oh, she felt like had just put her arm in a lion’s mouth with the hope it was asleep. It was so dangerous, but she had to go to the bathroom so bad. </p>
<p>Three barreled out of the car with Four right behind her. They ran into the convenience store and went to their separate ways. It only took her a minute, but for that minute it was the most worthwhile rumor she’d ever done. She came out of the restroom and almost ran smack into Six. </p>
<p>“Oh, hey,” Three said, surprised to see him out of the car. </p>
<p>“Hi,” Six said, heading down an aisle to where Five was picking out candy bars. </p>
<p>They looked odd, she thought, in their superhero jumpsuits and domino masks shopping for candy like a couple little kids, but they were smiling and happily debating between Reese’s and Fudge Nutters. They each had their preference, it seemed. Three had her preferences too, but it wasn’t in the candy aisle.</p>
<p>Three had decided on a snack and she could smell it cooking in the store. It smelled like delicious, fresh donuts and she went to check out what donuts were available. It was so early, the clerk was just putting them out and she got a strawberry filled donut straight from the fryer. Oh, it was so good. Fresh donuts were the best. She paid for her donut and a bottle of juice and she decided to make her way back out to the car.</p>
<p>Two steps outside the door she realized there was something wrong. </p>
<p>Three looked around at the canopy of light and the gas pumps. The piles of firewood and softener salt and windshield washer solution for sale. There was the sound of crickets and the buzz from the fluorescent lights. </p>
<p>Five and Six were standing there eating their candy bars and looking out at the parking lot. They both turned and looked at her with no small amount of panic. </p>
<p>The parking lot was empty.</p>
<p>Oh my god. Three looked back at her brothers in horror. Dad left them behind at a gas station. How could he have left them behind at the gas station? How could he not know he was missing damn near his entire team?</p>
<p>Oh. Three’s face fell in dread. Oh, crap. This was all her fault and she knew it. It was what she said in her rumor. Right now, Dad was seeing nothing but perfectly behaved kids in the car, even when they weren’t actually there.</p>
<p>They were supposed to a superhero crime fighting team. They were supposed to be intimidating and powerful. What kind of idiot superhero gets everyone stuck all alone at a gas station in the middle of nowhere on their way to a crime scene? This was bad. This was so bad. What the hell would happen when when Dad got to the crime scene and no one got out of the car? He’d look like a fool, and they’d all be completely dead. </p>
<p>The bell on the door jingled and One stepped out with the biggest bag of beef jerky she’d ever seen. “Uh, where’s Dad?” One asked, looking at his siblings.</p>
<p>Four came out the door just after, looking around at his siblings standing there. He had an enormous energy drink he really didn’t need, and he sat there sipping it while looking at Three. “Well, at least Two’s still in the car and can tell Dad where we are.”</p>
<p>“I’m dead,” Three said in a total meltdown of panic. “Oh my god, I’m so dead after this. Oh, he’s going kill me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure Two will have him turn around. They’ll probably be here any minute,” One said, patting her on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“You don’t understand, I rumored him,” Three said, shaking with fear. This punishment would be one for the record books. She didn’t even want to know what it’ll entail. </p>
<p>“You rumored Dad?” One said, looking down at Three with horror. With the exception of Four, who already knew, they all looked at her with horror. “What did you rumor him?” </p>
<p>“I rumored him that he saw nothing but perfectly behaved kids in the back of the car,” Three said with despair. She put her hands up in her hair in distress. “He’s never going to realize we’re not there. Oh god! That was so stupid. Why did I rumor him that? Why didn’t I just tell him I just had to go pee?”</p>
<p>“Well, this is total shit,” Five said, matter-of-factly, looking out across the parking lot. </p>
<p>“Well, at least Two will realize there’s something wrong,” Four said, patting his sister on the shoulder in solidarity. He was in this with her all the way. “They’ll be back here in no time.” </p>
<p>Yes, thank god for Two. There’s no way he’d let Dad keep going when they were all missing. Three was sure she’d see headlights pulling into the parking lot any minute.</p>
<p>“God, those bathrooms were disgusting,” Two said, walking out of the convenience store behind his siblings and looking out at the parking lot. Two was always a couple of minutes behind them, it seemed, and right now it was the worst bit of luck. “What the hell? Where’s Dad?”</p>
<p>“Oh my god! Two!” Four shouted in horror, backing away from his brother in surprise. “I thought you were still in the car.”</p>
<p>“No,” Two said, confused. “I got out right behind you. What the hell is going on?”</p>
<p>“Shit, shit and double shit,” Three said, throwing her hands up and scowling at the pavement and pacing in circles. “Goddamnit. Oh my god!” </p>
<p>Three could have gone on and on, looking at Two and cursing his very presence in this place. She had put so much hope in the fact that he was still in that car, and now they were stuck here at a gas station in the middle of nowhere with no hope for help.</p>
<p>The six of them looked at each other and they knew they were in trouble. They were maybe an hour from their destination, which was somewhere in the next town over, but they didn’t exactly know where. They hadn’t gone over mission details yet. They were at least Two hours from home. Dad was at least five minutes gone down the road and he didn’t know he needed to come back. They were screwed. They were absolutely screwed. </p>
<p>They all looked at Five. </p>
<p>“What?” Five said, looking at all their faces with leery concern. </p>
<p>“How far can you blink?” One asked, smiling widely. </p>
<p>“Not as far as you’re thinking,” Five said, frowning at all of them.</p>
<p>“How many times can you blink in a row,” Four asked, shrugging with his hands up. </p>
<p>“Not as many times as I’d need to,” Five said, shaking his head and backing away from them a step.</p>
<p>“You’re the only one with an ability related to travel,” Six said, simply. </p>
<p>“Look,” Five said, pacing in front of his siblings and rapidly calculating everything out. “Dad left, what, five or six minutes ago? At fifty-five miles per hour he’s at least five miles down the road, and that depends on if he’s speeding. He may even be more. Say I can blink a quarter of a mile at the outset. That’s at least twenty consecutive jumps, more since he’s moving and I’d have to get ahead of him to stop him. I’ll be out of juice halfway there if I’m lucky.” </p>
<p>The other Numbers all just blinked their eyes at him expectantly, and Five just groaned in frustration. </p>
<p>“Goddamnit, I hate all of you. Collectively and individually,” Five said. He snatched the energy drink out of Four’s hand and a half eaten candy bar from Six. “If I’m not back in a half an hour, start walking. And don’t forget to scrape me off the road wherever I pass out, got it?” </p>
<p>Five took a sip of the energy drink, took a deep breath and blinked across the parking lot. He left the first blink on the opposite side of the parking lot, took a step and ran straight into the next blink and headed off down the road. </p>
<p>“What do you think the odds are that he makes it?” Four asked, looking off down the road where Five disappeared. </p>
<p>“Hm, fifty-fifty,” Two said, with a shrug.</p>
<p>“That high?” Six said, looking back at his siblings. “I was thinking maybe the low side of seventy-thirty.”</p>
<p>It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Three was in the deep end with no way out and she was stressed to capacity about the uncertainty of the future punishment. As soon as Five caught up with Dad, if he was able to catch up with Dad, he’d know she used a rumor on him and it’d be all over. Four stood next to her in solidarity, knowing it’ll be all over for him too. At least they’d go down together. </p>
<p>“Well, it was worth it, wasn’t it?” Four said to Three, smiling ruefully. She sat down on a bench at a picnic table and Four sat down next to her and leaned against her side. “It was truly an emergency situation. I really feel like it was a very heroic rumor.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know if you’ll feel that way tomorrow,” Three said, stifling back tears. </p>
<p>“You’re my hero at this moment,” Four said, smiling at her. </p>
<p>Three leaned her head against his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her. Six sat down on her other side and patted her on the knee. They all knew she was toast and they were giving her support now for the crap that was to come later. </p>
<p>Two threw a rock at One and they watched the two of them chase each other around the parking lot. </p>
<p>It was just about at the half an hour mark, just when they were thinking about starting to walk, when they saw the car pull into the parking lot. Three was relieved and horrified in equal measure and she just waited until the car stopped in front of them. They opened the back door and filed inside. Five had actually managed to make it to their father, but he was passed out cold in the back seat with his head thrown back, snoring loudly. The trip completely drained him and they’d be lucky if they see him conscious in the next twelve hours. Normally, they’d all give him shit about the snoring, but he’d just saved them from potential death via their father and they all just let him be. For the moment. </p>
<p>“Number Three,” Reginald said, staring straight ahead. His tone was a level of fury she had never heard before.</p>
<p>Three dutifully removed the rumor and sat between her brothers in fear. One was sitting next to her and she grabbed his hand in support. She was full on panicking, just beside herself with worry. Whatever was going to happen was coming and she was going to pay for this for a long time. And her brothers were going to probably suffer for this too since they also got out of the car. It was just the stupidest thing she’s ever done and they were all going to have a miserable time. Unless...</p>
<p>Her father opened his mouth to speak, and Three just couldn’t let it happen. </p>
<p>“I heard a rumor nothing out of the ordinary happened tonight,” Three said in a rush, then clasped a hand over her mouth in shock. She looked at One to her right and Four to her left and they both just stared straight ahead like they were afraid to move. The only sound in the car was Five’s snores from the seat behind her as they waited for something to happen, but nothing seemed to happen. Their father just kept driving. They were all probably the best behaved they’d ever been at that moment. </p>
<p>Five snorted loudly in the quiet car and his head dropped forward. “That’s no bueno,” Five muttered and then his head swung over and rested on Six’s shoulder next to him. </p>
<p>“Uh, Five,” Six said, poking his brother in the shoulder to get him to sit up before Five ended up laying on his lap.</p>
<p>“Hm?” Five said, blinking at Six. </p>
<p>“Come on, sit up, okay?” Six said, pushing his arm lightly. </p>
<p>Five blearily blinked at Six, then turned and looked straight at Two. Two looked at Five with alarm as Five’s face dropped in horror. “You’ve got to stop running with scissors before you cut down the curtains,” Five said, earnestly. Then he giggled in a way that creeped out everyone at once. </p>
<p>“What the hell?” Two said, with a weird smile. “Why would he think I’d cut down the curtains?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, it’s understandable to be concerned when you get ahold of sharp objects,” One said, shrugging. Two slapped One hard on the back of the head and Three had to stop them from starting a fight in the car.</p>
<p>“I’m don’t think he was necessarily talking to you,” Six said, watching Five laughing like a lunatic and inching away from him as much as he could. “I’m pretty sure he’s still asleep.”</p>
<p>Five’s manic laughter abruptly cut off, and Five looked straight at Six. “They’re coming. Just remember, don’t get the banana trap wet,” Five said, nodding seriously. “It’s the potassium.” Then he leaned back and fell soundly back to sleep.</p>
<p>Jesus, that guy had a weird mind, but sleep does tend to cross some wires in the brain and dreams are just a strange and wacky land of subconscious garbage. Three just looked at Five fast asleep with his head against the window, then burst out in giggles with her brothers. Laughter that didn’t seem to disturb Five’s sleep at all. </p>
<p>“Poke him, Six,” Four said, smiling. “I wanna see if he says anything else.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to poke him,” Six said, glaring at Four. </p>
<p>“He won’t remember,” Four said, then he started quietly chanting “poke him” over and over. </p>
<p>One and Two started chanting with Four. They were quietly, but irritatingly peer pressuring Six into compliance. Three was still just trying not to piss off her father. There were enough clues that something happened that wasn’t normal for this trip and Five’s extreme fatigue was one of them. She wondered if maybe they should leave him be so they didn’t draw attention to his state. Still, she couldn’t help but be curious, so she waited and watched for Six to eventually cave. </p>
<p>Six poked Five hard in the arm, but Five didn’t do anything. “Guess he’s done talking,” Six said, shrugging. </p>
<p>“No, his head fell forward. Knock his head forward,” Four said, giving a slapping motion with his hand. </p>
<p>“I’m not going to slap him,” Six said, scowling. “I’m the one sitting right next to him.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be such a baby,” Two said, reaching behind Six and slapping Five’s head forward. </p>
<p>Five didn’t say anything, but Five sure did scream. It was loud and full of fear, startling everyone, including their father so badly he swerved onto the shoulder of the road for a minute. The other Numbers covered their ears, the noise seemingly everywhere in the enclosed space of the car. Then Five stopped and stared straight forward with unblinking eyes.</p>
<p>“Their eyes are glowing,” Five said with a gasp.</p>
<p>“What is the meaning of this?” Their father shouted from the front seat. “Number Five?”</p>
<p>“I need the water, now,” Five said, talking directly to his father with urgency. </p>
<p>“Water?” Reginald said, irritated. “We’re not going to stop for water.”</p>
<p>“But the raccoons took the bananas,” Five said, desperately. “If we hurry, we can get them before they steal the lawn mower.” Then he fell back to sleep with his face pressed into the seat in front of him. </p>
<p>“Do we even own a lawn mower?” Four asked, chuckling. </p>
<p>All of her brothers laughed, but Three was watching her father, and their father was watching her in the rear view mirror. The only other time she’d ever seen Five talk in his sleep was after their father pushed him to capacity in training and he fell asleep at the dinner table with his eyes open, mumbling for a few minutes about space aliens being tricky bastards. It wasn’t a normal thing for him to get to the point where he was that tired, and their father knew this as well. There was no way he wasn’t wondering how Five got in this state, and considering they supposedly never left the car, there wasn’t a logical explanation. Three sat facing forward, on her best behavior. Eventually, her siblings calmed down and faced forward as well, taking a line from her behavior and sensing the warning. The situation was funny, maybe, but it gave Reginald one hell of a clue that something wasn’t right, and it was one step closer to trouble. </p>
<p>They made it to the job and their father immediately noticed the time passed was inconsistent to the distance traveled. Three could feel him watching her, but she focused on the mission. They easily dealt with the hostage taker without any casualties, then posed for pictures and talked to the press and did their best not to give their father anything else to be suspicious about. Three was pretty sure he knew, but just couldn’t prove it conclusively. The only conclusive evidence was Five himself, especially after he was too exhausted to leave the car for the mission, but he wasn’t going to be talking about anything that made any sense for awhile.  </p>
<p>For the moment, Three felt like she lucked out, but somehow she still felt like she’d pay for it one day. They all loaded back into the car, and she was just glad to be heading home. This night couldn’t get over fast enough. She was glad she’d soon be back in bed, back to normal, and away from her father’s suspicious gaze.</p>
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